I was in Coffee Bean this morning for a treat and there she was, this beautiful little girl, of about 3, with a “foo-foo” in her hair and a “nummy” in her mouth, her Osh-kosh skirt, and in her pregnant mommy’s arms. Oh then it hit me….there it is again…. that feeling in the pit of my stomach…the tears are welling up…..and I’m just longing to hold onto her again. I was doing so well, wasn’t I? She is doing so well. She’s going to school, making friends, going to church, loving life. She’s even coming home this weekend, she misses her bed. While I am showing up at work and doing my job, I’m seeing my friends, worshiping an awesome God….. Loving life……. BUT…..I’m sad again. I’m longing for a different time. I loved when Tara was little, I did cherish that time, and I did look forward to the future. The future is here, at least that part of it planned out those years before. Ok, this too shall pass….sure did hit me hard.

I’ve been praying for another “feeling”, I know that it is part of God’s will. But it eludes me. Or do I? I seem to have filled my spirit with emptiness, when I should be filling it with God’s desire. I keep praying for His gift. I have the gift of life, of eternal life with my Savior. I have the gift of knowing that without a doubt. I know that He wants me to feel the rest, the yearning, the desire…..So I will wait….